THINKING WITH PORTAL

[did_well_enough]

[Ever seen a giant AI robot towering over you with a single glowing eye?

Well if your answer was no, CONGRATULATIONS...you won't be seeing one now either. Why? Because for some reason or another, GLaDOS here seems to have become HUMAN...or at least an android.]

Alright, this is not funny. You there, identify yourself and the location I am currently in now.

[Oh yeah, she's definitely not happy.]

Comments

[iamtheeggman]

OH SURE, A FAT JOKE. BECAUSE I HAVEN'T HEARD THEM ALL BEFORE!!

AND I AM NOT FAT! I'M SHAPELY!!

[did_well_enough]

I don't recall using the word "fat". I believe you came to that conclusion on your own.

[iamtheeggman]

I don't take kindly to IMPLICATIONS either!

So unless you want this place to be the last place you ever see, I suggest GETTING OUT OF MY SIGHT!!

[did_well_enough]

I did no such thing.

[Threatening her. Oh, that's rich fatty.]

Oh, I'm terrified. What are you going to do, bore me to death?

[iamtheeggman]

Oh, killing you would be FAR too easy, and FAR too quick.

Perhaps robotisizing you would be more enjoyable...

[did_well_enough]

...wait.

[She cocks an eyebrow.]

You mean to tell me you have the technology to turn me into a machine. And all I have to do is make you angry enough to use it?

[iamtheeggman]

[Wait, what.]

...Yes?

That's not... what people USUALLY say to that...

[did_well_enough]

Because I am originally a machine. I was put into this human body when I came to this location.

[iamtheeggman]

How INTERESTING. Turned human against your will! THERE'S something new!

Now then, if I were to restore you to your mechanical form... What's in it for ME?

[did_well_enough]

A selfish human, how predictable. I bet you were lying and are not even capable of doing so.

[iamtheeggman]

You'll have to answer my question if you ever want to find out.

[did_well_enough]

Fine. What do you want.

[iamtheeggman]

I want information. I want to know where you're from. I want to know what kind of machine you were. I want to know what your functions and capabilities were. I want to know if there are others like you.

[did_well_enough]

Well if you truly want all that information, then you might want to get a move on. If I get my body back, I can give you more information than I can in this current state.

[iamtheeggman]

Ah, but then what guarantee do I have that you'll hold up your end of the arrangement?

[did_well_enough]

You'll just have to give me my body if you ever want to find out.

[Gee, doesn't that sound familiar.]

Or I could construct it on my own.

[iamtheeggman]

You're certainly welcome to TRY! But you'll never find a more skilled engineer than myself! Good luck with that.

[did_well_enough]

Skilled means nothing if the body you provide for me isn't my own. I know exactly what it looks like and how it functions. You do not.

[iamtheeggman]

You have no reason to trust me, and I have no reason to trust you. But you need me, and I'm patient. When you get tired of defying me, I'll be waiting.

[did_well_enough]

I...need you?

[PFFFFT-AHAHAHAHA OH GOD THAT IS RICH

Even SHE has to laugh a little at that.]

I need you like I need to be murdered. Again. And how sad it must be, to have an overinflated sense of self-importance.

[iamtheeggman]

Actually, it's QUITE ENJOYABLE! Ta-ta!

[He waves and walks off.]

[did_well_enough]

I suppose it must be. Well on the bright side, I'm sure all that..."shapeliness" needs to be filled by something and your ego is certainly proportional to your stomach.

[And she'll then proceed to turn and walk off on her own.]