I have no idea what I'm doing somebody please kill me

[un_worthy]

[Well, this was quite the pickle. There's no way this was the same place all those brochures talked about, but the names matched up and there was already a shiny new office waiting for him to get settled.

The pictures Edgeworth had seen of this place looked a lot less... Gray. This would not do. Obviously he had found the wrong school because following the map he had (an old copy that came with the brochure) was just leading him around in circles. TCH this was ridiculous and a complete waste of time. But upon trying to stomp his way back to the headmaster's office, it became increasingly clear that he had no clue where he was. ... ... ... It looked like now was as good a time as any to get acquainted with the locals.]

Excuse me, I seem to be lost. Could you tell me how to reach... [He squints at his papers...] Headmaster... Hand? [This was going to be one of those days, wasn't it.]

Comments

[thewrightidea]

[What?! It can't be!

Phoenix had just been walking through the halls when he saw that familiar pink burgundy suit. And that silver-brown hair. He had to stop and gawk for a minute to make sure he wasn't hallucinating on those blue lollipops again.]

Edgeworth!

What are you doing here?!

[un_worthy]

[You're darn tootin' it's not pink, mister.]

Wright. [Edgeworth didn't even glance up from his papers at first, but hold it... He looked up from his map and frowned -- yeah, that's him, alright. WHY]

I'm trying to find the headmaster's office, what does it look like? I should be asking you the same. It's not exactly the best place to take a vacation... Why are you here?

[thewrightidea]

[Leave it to Edgeworth to not look surprised at all. Or if he was, he just expressed it in a frown. Sigh.]

I work here. I'm an instructor.

Don't tell me you just got a job here too...

[un_worthy]

[Not so much surprised as he is annoyed. He travels to get away from everyone, not work in the same place as...

wait what]

You. An instructor.

[SILENCE]

That settles it, I must have the wrong place.

[thewrightidea]

[Phoenix stares back at Edgeworth during the silence trying not to facepalm.

And then he says he has the wrong place. Nice.]

Wait, no! You don't have the wrong place!

[Phoenix has missed you okay.]

This is Smash Academy. And before you ask, yes, the Headmaster is a giant hand.

[un_worthy]

I have trouble believing somebody would be crazy enough to leave you in charge of a room full of teenagers.

[Regardless, Phoenix is probably lucky that he's already seen the Headmaster once or this is where he'd turn around, leave, and charter a flight back to LA. There are so many things wrong with a sentient hand. HOW DOES IT TALK. NNGH...]

I've seen it... Him... ... ...The hand. [He frowns because he still cannot believe this stupid place. Talking hands, Wright teaching children... What next, cats and dogs living together in perfect harmony? Quick, man, change the subject!] Has it always looked this... Squalid?

[thewrightidea]

[Phoenix's face falls in an expression of defeat and annoyance (see: his icon) at Edgeworth's remark. Right, thanks Edgeworth. Phoenix likes to think he has his class under control. Maybe.]

Well... the students seem to like me well enough.

[As for the Hand, Phoenix's own reaction to the thing was... Well, he could hardly believe it himself. And he could only imagine Edgeworth's initial reaction to the thing.]

I... try not to interact with the Hands too much. They are a bit... unnerving.

[un_worthy]

[It's what Edgeworth does best! No need to thank him for a job well done.]

... 'They...?'

...

Oh. Th-there's more than one. Of course there is.

[THIS IS A SHAM WHY IS THIS HAPPENING]

[thewrightidea]

...Yeah....

There's Master Hand, and then there's his brother, who is a bit...

[He sighs.]

Well, he's the less "sane" of the two.

[un_worthy]

... Don't tell me his name is... ...

[He squints at his papers once again, and once he sees the part hand-written in crayon his face is one that has seen the weariness of the world, and absolutely hates all of it.]

Nngh... I didn't sign up for this. [Edgeworth takes his brochure and crumples it up in his hands.] What kind of farce is this, Wright?

[thewrightidea]

[It's almost comical to see Edgeworth's reaction. Phoenix had been flabbergasted by the whole thing too, but took to it with a little more ease. Besides, being disbarred, he needed a job...]

It's... It's no farce, Edgeworth.

Look, this school is unlike anything I've known, but...

[He takes a deep breath.]

You'll learn about so many new things here. And in many ways, it's worth it.

[un_worthy]

[Well, at least Wright didn't look like he was lying. Bluffing is a whole different story. Who knows how many psycho-locks Wright has? Not Edgeworth, that's for sure. He huffs.]

If this turns out to be a waste of my time I'm holding you responsible.

I just. I need to know who you are because your Edgeworth is amazing gashdfhsdh

[thewrightidea]

[Phoenix gave a sheepish grin at that. Typical Edgeworth.]

Heh...

Well, I'm sure you won't find a lack of excitement here.

I'LL NEVER TELL...

[un_worthy]

[He folds his arms and frowns.]

I didn't really come here for excitement. I've had more than my fair share of that...

TELL MEEEEEEEEEE..............

[thewrightidea]

[Suggesting excitement to Edgeworth was like suggesting dry land to a fish. Phoenix should have realized this.]

Well...

There are some interesting cases here that might interest you.

THE SECRET IS MINE FOREVER HA HA HA HA

[un_worthy]

That's precisely why I'm here.

... Have you been around for any of them?

[fatedred]

[The girl in question simply stared at Edgeworth, and rather with a hint of confusion.]

[un_worthy]

...

[This staring contest could go on for days, but Edgeworth had important things to do. Patience wasn't exactly his strongest suit.]

Are you listening?

[fatedred]

[Even to a nine year old?

The girl had simply nodded.]

Giant hand?

[Because she remembered her parents talking to a giant hand, and she vaguely remember his desk being labeled with -something, she can't recall- hand.]

[un_worthy]

[Well, people don't call him a jerk for nothing. He's trying not to be one, he really is!]

... A giant hand. [That's not funny at all, it's just absurd...] No, I don't think so. I'm looking for the headmaster.

[fatedred]

[But that was the truth! Maybe it was the fact the hand was nice that she find him... not very absurd. At least not as scary as art galleries.]

His desk says something-Hand. Didn't you say his name was Hand too, mister?

[un_worthy]

Ah. He has giant hands...?

[What an unfortunate name.] In that case... Do you know where his office is?

[fatedred]

[A very subtle frown. From the looks of it, the man won't believe her. But again, it is still a strange sight.

Without a word, Ib motioned Edgeworth to follow her.]

[un_worthy]

[... Ib doesn't talk much, does she. He looked around the hallway to see if there was anyone around that could confirm "giant hand," but upon finding nobody else he reluctantly followed the little girl.]

Do you have a name?

[fatedred]

Ib. My parents were talking to him.

[Eventually, they made it to the front of the office. And even from the outside, one could make out at least two men and a women talking to another. The door was open enough to take a small peak to what's going on inside.

And yep, two brunette couple talking to a giant hand.]

1/2

[un_worthy]

Miles Edgeworth. Thank you for your help.

[Edgeworth didn't peek in through the open door, but he did knock before waltzing inside like he owns the place.]

Pardon me. My apologies for the intrusion, but...

2/2

[un_worthy]

Nngk...!

[Edgeworth then leaves and closes the door behind him. He presses his back up to the door like there's some sort of horrible monster lurking behind it.]

... ... ...

... Giant hand, indeed.

Re: 2/2

[fatedred]

[No gloat, no 'I told you so's, Ib was simply staring at Edgeworth's alarmed figure.

But she did told him that her parents were talking to him!]

[un_worthy]

[...Ah, she was staring, wasn't she? He straightened up and dusted off his suit jacket as if he was trying to pretend he didn't almost have a heart attack a second ago.]

...Ahem. ... Those were your parents?

[fatedred]

[She nodded.] They're thinking about putting me in this school.

[But then she tilted her head, what about you, mister? She was surprised about the giant hand too, but she thought the other teachers would be just as strange, not just a man in a pinkish suit.]

[un_worthy]

And they see no problems with the existence of a large talking hand.

[WAS HE STUCK IN BIZARRO WORLD...? And why was she staring at him like that?]

What is it?

ASCOT + CRAVAT BUDDIES...

[obfuskate]

... You want to reach the Headmaster.

[ He stares incredulously in Edgeworth's direction, as if he is the bearer of a thousand arms. Those Hands are impossible to reach. Everyone knows that.

...

Well, he hopes everyone knows that. ]

Clearly you've never been here before.

Haha, I'd say they'd be more Jerk Buddies. Like Snow Buddies, but with jerks.

[un_worthy]

[SIGH]

An astute observation. [Was it the map or the fact that Edgeworth has been wandering around in circles for the past ten minutes that tipped him off?]

There has to be some way to contact him. He wouldn't be much of a Headmaster if there weren't.

THAT WORKS QUITE WELL.

[obfuskate]

You would be surprised.

[ Shadow takes a step forward, eyeing him carefully as he shoves his hands into his pockets. This man certainly doesn't seem to be anything special. ]

Our Headmaster is atrocious. He is difficult to reach and illogical under any circumstance. Do not expect much from him.

[un_worthy]

[Just don't say that out loud, he'll get mad.]

...And I take it you're speaking from experience?

[obfuskate]

[ He will make the statement only if it is required! ]

Unfortunately.

... You came here unintentionally, I wager.

[ Just like countless others before and after him. ]

[un_worthy]

Not really.

I was under the impression that this academy was one of prestige. [HUFF] It appears I was sorely mistaken.

[obfuskate]

... It is troubling to imagine that someone would give this academy a positive word.

[ He groans, bringing a hand out of his pocket to rub at one of his temples. ] I recommend leaving as soon as you possibly can. This school has a horrid reputation. It is not for one with finer tastes.

[ Did he just compliment Edgeworth's taste? Perhaps. That's a rarity, receiving a generous word from Shadow the Hedgehog, so savor it. ]

[un_worthy]

All the mail I'd received assured me otherwise.

[The disappointment in the air is PALPABLE.]

If that's the case, what are you still doing here? If it's as awful as you make it out to be, it's no place for someone like yourself.

[Seriously. This looks more like juvenile hall than a fancy school.]

[obfuskate]

[ That... is a good question, admittedly. Sometimes, he even questions it, yet he has a feeling he knows why. Well, multiple reasons why, really, and yet... ]

I have certain people I must protect, people I must remain by. There is nothing more to it than that.

[ Shadow flips his head, lips held tightly together. He's going to keep that vague. He's protecting the people of this institution, protecting humanity from a branch into so many universes, something that he's sure Maria would be proud of...

... and he isn't sure about the idea of leaving Sonic alone, not here. ]

[un_worthy]

A noble cause.

[Edgeworth isn't really in the same boat, but he can appreciate the sentiment. Besides, most (if not all) of the people he'd be willing to protect can take care of themselves...]

This has been an enlightening conversation, to say the least. Thank you for your time.

[obfuskate]

Likewise.

[ He turns heel, his coat swishing behind him in a flourish as he does, but he doesn't leave without granting him one last ominous word: ]

Best of luck.

You will need it.